Be Neutral
For example, currently I often find myself saying, "This job isn't working", while lamenting over my day job. At the same time, that same job is working, enough, in the moment. It is supporting my family and allowing me to have time with them even though I don't feel great while I'm at work. Granted, the stresses of my day job do carry into my evenings and my personal life, as I am someone who has a hard time compartmentalizing myself, but when I try to find some positive light in the situation, I can, if I look for it or at least make the attempt to look for it.
This doesn't include mourning the loss of a loved one, at least not at first glance, because if you've been through that, then you know how devastating and life altering it can be. But as the hurt calluses into a scar, you can start to look back and even find some positivity in those circumstances. "At least I was able to laugh with them while they were still here." or "Thank God I was able to have that person in my life." or perhaps it is in the lessons that they taught you that you still use to this day. In that sense they continue to live through you and you can honor them by carrying their lessons to new people in your own life.
Point is, if you look hard enough there is probably some positive impact about the same situation that is bothering you at the moment. As I mentioned in one of my other posts, I've developed a pretty negative internal dialogue over the years thinking that once something great happens, then finally I'll be a positive person because then I'll finally be satisfied.
Well, what if that thing you're waiting on never happens? Then what? Are you prepared to be negative and therefore miserable until it happens? Probably not. What if it takes years, or worse, decades? You'll probably want to feel fulfilled and happy in the meantime. Can you want more? Of course, but be careful not to sacrifice the good that you already have.
It starts on a bit of a philosophical level in the regard that you need to realize that everything that happens in this world is neither positive or negative. It is just is. It is our perspective in relation to that thing that makes it take on meaning in our own minds. I am not saying that war, or hatred, or violence aren't bad things. All I am saying is that the meaning we associate to the events are separate from the events themselves. The events are the events and our reactions and feelings about them occupy a different space in the universe.
Do terrible things happen? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes, abso-freakin-lutely. Although I think that this positive framing can be useful in any situation, it is definitely more immediately practical in our daily lives. I think this may be the trick to leading a good life. Understanding that every situation can't just be all bad or all good. Every situation is likely to fall somewhere on that spectrum of good and bad. Besides, what is good and bad anyway, other than just our perception of facts in relation to the story that we developed about who we are and how this event affects that construct.
I am trying to present an alternative to feeling like shit everyday. A perspective that can help assist you in every day living. For every negative thought or words you speak, make the attempt to offset each one with something positive. In this manner you will literally become more positive each day with each new rep.
To me it seems logical that if you can start to build this positive thought muscle, you'll strengthen it. You have to tip the balance one little piece at a time. If you are starting from a negative place or a place of fear or hurt, you have to start somewhere. A good place to start your journey is by simply aiming to be neutral.
Hope this helps.
-JB
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